Manicure Isn’t Listed On The Man Card

Should a man be allowed to get a manicure? Is it a big deal if he does? Everyone should be entitled to great looking hands. Wrong. No man should ever get a manicure. Does it really make you look that much more professional in your suit and tie if your fingernails are clean and have a fresh coat of clear? No. It makes you look like less of a man. The only person you may please is the germaphobe shaking your hand at tomorrow’s meeting. Partaking in the beauty rituals of women, is for women. Not men.

Why can’t a man get a manicure? Getting a manicure means going to a place where women gather to gossip and watch daytime television. Not manly. When people look at my hands, I don’t want them to say, “wow, look at how pretty his hands are. I bet he shook a lot of hands today.” Nor do I want people to think,” he must have done a lot of typing today.” Not at all the way I want to be perceived. I want people to look at my hands and think,” holy s#%*! That dude is missing a knuckle. I bet he got off his ass and built something awesome today!”

Please don’t get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with a desk job. I have a desk at work. I only spend 10% or less of my work day there, but I still have a desk. Swinging an axe or a hammer is manly. Wielding a chainsaw is manly. The problem I have is that many desk jockeys aren’t manning up on the weekend. The desk job is completely fine. Men need to make time to be men. Someone else is mowing their lawn. Some guy downtown changes their oil and rotates their tires. Have you built anything lately? How about ever? A manicure can’t cover up real manliness. If you are a real man, even with a manicure, manliness should show on your hands. My fingers are twisted from being broken. I have scars on my hands bigger than a gunshot wound. No manicure can cover that up.

Not every guy is handy. I know that, but did anyone ever think that maybe the reason they aren’t handy is because they never really tried? For me it was easy. I started rebuilding carburetors when I was still in elementary school. I had people to teach me how to do stuff and from there I started teaching myself. I see way too many people have things handed to them. Parents that would rather do for their children than teach their children. It just isn’t right. It’s not too late for these “less than a man” men to earn the title of “man.”

Here’s the basic point of all this rambling; when you’re in your fancy business meeting and the person across the conference table notices your hands, they shouldn’t be focused on how healthy your cuticles are. They should look at your hands and know that even though the worst injury you could sustain at your day job is a papercut, outside of work, you are a real man.